Today's Topic: What To Say When You Don't Know What To Say...

I have to admit something. Its been exceedingly difficult to write about shit on here. Initially, I wanted to navigate this blog with singular purpose, poised to astound minds with my witty insight and blasphemous humor. Well... damn. Harder than I thought. What would make anyone want to read what I have to say? I'm a no- name, vaguely talented, egotistical peon who's a downright dumb ass (and I say that as confidently as a self-deprecating bastard can). Indeed, I do desire a vast legion of readers and adoring fans but, unfortunately, it's eclipsed by one ironic paradox: I'd probably (no, definitely!) hate most of these motherfuckers. So you can see the predicament of my endeavor. May you be cursed to perform fellatio (or more likely cunnilingus) on Boy George if you can't.

Should I review music? Three Minute Record, a blolleague (blogger colleague) of mine, seems to have that down just fine. I'm sure he'd accommodate any reviews I might want to do. Movies? Books? Fashion? Art? Farts?!? Enough of that crap. Please. There is currently to much lame ass excess in those departments. Actually, it's precisely due to this that I know there's no God as sure he would have Sodom and Gomorrahed all these bitches a long, long time ago. I don't mean to rain on any parades, but if you're going to pursue any of these courses do it with some originality and thought, maintain some passion and purpose. Don't let your work be smeared in with the pap. (Pun most certainly intended) That's my biggest fear. That and being bit on the penis by a King Cobra.

Sure, I'm aware that what I'm doing here isn't exactly ground breaking. While there are definitely some creative and innovative juices pissing somewhere upwind in this ol' noggin of mine, a trend-setter or award-winner, I ain't. But unlike most people who just want to write their daily thoughts on their job, girlfriends/boyfriends or the type of peanut butter their dog licked off their balls last night (which is fun) , I want to do it just a wee bit differently. I want it done right, with plenty of humor, satire, wit, intellectual insight, purpose, and interest rampantly screaming all throughout. Basically, I don't want to bore anyone. Or their dogs.

So I guess I'll be writing about whatever the hell I want to on here. With no publication procedures, editors, fans, or an ethical compass, I've got nothing but wide open lanes, and, in the words of Judas Priest, I'm heading out to the highway. You'll see me. I'll be speeding home, fresh jar of peanut butter in tow.

So you see, I do have something to write about. And I hope you can find some entertainment in nothing at all.